I was sitting in my room earlier thinking about life as usual and has realized that I am a new woman with a new way of thinking and viewing things and I’ve had this particular thought cross my mind. The reality of me finally having a good man in my life that I call mine and yes he is a Black man. Why did I state that you ask? Well, just like the Black woman, the Black man is perceived as a certain image that all are not and it causes them to look as if they are unworthy to be loved or incapable of loving someone especially their own. I was even at a place in my life where I started to believe that lie myself and was about to completely turn away from my own but I didn’t being I still had hope.
What is the Black man perceived to be in details? Well, when you look at the media (being they are very controlling to those who actually let it control them) they are seen as the race of men who grew up without a Father, are thugs, ignorant, his entire being is revolved around illegal acts, he isn’t monogamous, he’s careless and the oh so famous he disrespects his beautiful Black women and finds her inferior to other races of women because they have also convinced a lot of Black women that we are which we are not. Domino effect no? So this image became what a lot of Black men carry themselves to be more and more on a daily basis. While that image may be floating around not all are the same.
I’ve had numerous amounts of men come in and out of my life and hurt me because they were hurting. Some did grow up without Fathers and had rough childhoods so now that I look back at it I’m not upset at them. We all have a history and some actually heal from it whereas others do not BUT when I was in character of my past I let that cause me to also believe that maybe I do need to leave Black men alone until they get it together but that’s not the way to do it. You have to have open arms to love this race of men who not only had a rough past but even now in the workplace or social settings and even just being outside he has to face the stress of being labeled and possibly be in harms way because of his skin.
What does it mean to love a Black man? To understand that he has the world on his shoulders and some are lost. Some truly has fallen victim to the lies of the media and as a Black woman you have to also understand that he’s looking to you to love him. Have his back, support him by believing in him, don’t down talk him, show him and verbalize to him how amazing he is. Women were born nurturers so this means to comfort him and let him know everything will be okay. My ex has had a rough past and I see how that has caused him to use me for his benefit and pushed me away when he benefits ran out which was wrong on his part but he also saw that my love for him was real but love is what he didn’t recognize until me but he just didn’t know how to deal with it. I honestly believe he saw what he was feeling for me so he ran away from it. I was there when he tried to commit suicide, paid for him a place to stay, prayed for him and was there for him NOTHING about all I’ve done was something he was used to and I mean nothing.
He and men from my past caused me to be bitter once upon a time but once I forgave them and saw their standings from past experiences in life and how it effected their character God has sent me my true love which bring me to second standing of how to love a Black man (or a man in general in this area of discussion). Do not compare! My past has kept presenting itself to the point I was about to run off from my current relationship because he’s the total opposite of what I’m used to. He treats me like a Queen and is beyond what I’ve prayed to God for. He was raised by both parents, he’s respectful, intelligent, great communicator and listener, affectionate and yes he was unsure of marriage and kids before but once I came along that has changed and when I was about to walk away he stepped to the plate. So not all Black men are the stereotypes they are made out to be.
I say all of that to say this know what type of man you are dealing with and know how to handle it but whether you want the man or not don’t forget to show him love in any form because he needs it period. He may or may not have himself together but love is powerful and with that and prayer just imagine the wonders those could do. To love a Black man may not always be easy but once you open your eyes to see the reality you’ll see why it is worth it. I had to go through heartbroken men who let that try and damage me but it led me to the one for me. I hope this has made sense as well as helped someone and feel free to comment or share. Have a goodnight everyone.